Adventures of Lakeview Academy

2011-12-29T13:20:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-29T12:49:00.000-08:00

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Emmy's first's

2011-07-24T21:22:00.000-07:00

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Zackary's 7th Birthday

2011-07-24T20:53:00.000-07:00

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Our Homecoming!!

2011-07-22T20:53:00.001-07:00

Thank you to all who made our homecoming so special and especially to Grandma Donna for a beautiful "Girl Party"!!

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Daddy's girl!!

2011-07-22T20:22:00.000-07:00

For our daddy whom we miss so much.

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4th of July 2011

2011-07-22T20:21:00.000-07:00

We had a blast!!

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My MOM and COLETTE finally made it!!

2011-04-19T23:12:00.000-07:00

Some of the first pictures of India on their trip.

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Nathans bday!!

2011-04-09T16:46:00.000-07:00

We had a pirate theme this year, complete with treasure hunt, bounce house, body painting, and pizza!!

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Meeting EmmaLee

2011-03-06T22:36:00.000-08:00

It was really special watching the boys meet their new sister for the first time.

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Emmy's first bath

2011-03-06T00:08:00.001-08:00

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Waiting.....

2011-03-05T23:32:00.000-08:00

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Miracles do happen every day.

2011-03-02T11:44:00.000-08:00

Thank you Father for this huge blessing after so much heartache. It seems just yesterday I found out I was pregnant and wondered how I was going to wait so long for her!!

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Baby is here!!

2011-03-02T02:36:00.000-08:00

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Our great day at Wonder la!!

2011-02-03T20:36:00.000-08:00

We had so much fun, I am 5 1/2 weeks from my due date and went to walk around an amuzement park!! Shoes are optional, so people would go play in the water, then get cold, so they would ride the rides soaking wet!! Everywhere we go we are an attraction of our own. Enjoy!

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Day 2 of our India adventure!

2011-01-23T08:21:00.000-08:00

This morning we got up to go to church, as we were pulling out we were meet with quite a sight... thousand of bicyclists!! They had a bikathon today!! We were then directed to drive on the WRONG side of the road- they did not divide the road with cones or anything both sets of traffic were dogging each other!! Jason was not please to say the least (he was driving today!!). But we made it safe and had a wonderful day at church.

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Back again!!

2011-01-23T07:57:00.001-08:00

We had a wonderful trip back to the US for Christmas. Now that we are back we have had an interesting couple of days. This first one is our failed attempt to go to the amusement part yesterday (Saturday). We got about 45 minutes into our 2 hour trip when we were forced to turn around due to protests and rioting during a strike!! So we turned around and just as we did we pasted a large group of men setting tires on fire in the middle of the street and a bus that had it's windsheild and several windows broken out!! The men in brown are are policeman, we have never seen more than two policeman together at any given time!! The protesters stretch out behind them for miles.

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Help us find a new home for our resuced puppies!!

2011-01-23T07:54:00.000-08:00

We rescued Cosmo and Patches when they were just tiny! I posted an album of them on the blog in Sept of last year if you want to see how they have grown. Our time in India is coming to and end and we still can not seem to find them a lasting home. Please ask around to family and friends to see if anyone would/could open their hearts and homes for one of our pups!!

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what was I thinking?!!!

2010-09-10T11:25:00.000-07:00

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This weeks "I can't believe they do that!"

2010-08-09T21:41:00.000-07:00

Our gardner had the maintance guy use the community lawnmower!! Yes that is what it is!! And this is how they plug it in!!! Our power kept going off and on off and on, at one point it was out, flat, nothing. So Jason goes to see what's going on and they are tring to hard wire it into our main box!!! Needless to say Jason put a stop to it, but it really screwed up my nap!

This weeks traffic picture!

2010-08-09T21:37:00.001-07:00

The only thing funnier is the goat in a rickshaw we saw last week!

Nathan's first day of school!

2010-08-09T21:19:00.000-07:00

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This weeks traffic picture

2010-08-07T05:26:00.000-07:00

There are no laws about riding in a vehicle here, so this inevitably brings us to the things people do! This is not a big truck. It is the size of one of the old toyota pickups! I think it had more than 30 people in it!

Fun trip!!

2010-08-07T04:32:00.000-07:00

Here are the elephant pictures from Jason facebook post. We went to Mysore. A palace here in India. Most of the boys did good on the 4 hour trip. (Not my back) Found the most delectable hot chocolate and chocolate muffins, and the All the boys had a great Elephant ride. When they put the baby on I totally missed his *HOLY HELL THEY WANT ME TO DO WHAT!!!! look. It was great. Rich is a collegue of Jasons from Novell. He was here on business and we convinced him to go with us. At the end of the elephant ride the elephant kept bugging Jason and the driver said he want's his tip! So Jason gave one of the boys 30 rupees, the elephant took it with his trunk and gave it to the driver!!! It was great!

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Watch for Nathan's first day of school post on Monday!!!!

So many crazy things!

2010-07-11T09:35:00.000-07:00

There are so many things about India that are so far out of the ordinary I just have to share them!! The last picture is on a sign painted on all trucks that carry explosive material. I don't think they know what this word means. It says Highly inflammable!! This is a gasoline truck! The middle picture is another sign on a truck right above the tail light, all trucks have it. It says "Stop signal"!! The first picture is of an electrical box at our drivers home!!

Jason's birthday!

2010-07-11T08:37:00.000-07:00

Jason and the boys enjoyed this birthday immensely!!

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Zackary lost his first tooth!!

2010-07-11T08:29:00.000-07:00

He lost his first tooth on July 7, 2012!! He looks so cute without it!!

Zackary's 6th Birthday!

2010-07-11T08:26:00.000-07:00

He had a great day!

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Rainy days.

2010-06-14T11:08:00.000-07:00

Xander is soooo funny! He will beg to go out and play in the rain. He will use any excuse too, Jason grilling, jumping on the tramp! I happened to catch a big rainstorm we had last week.

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Our 15th Anniversary

2010-06-14T10:56:00.000-07:00

Jason put in so much work! It has been a long time since he has been able to pull off a suprise of this magnitude. I felt like a princess all night. The funniest part of the whole thing was our dinner cost more than our couples massage!!

From Jason: I love my wife. We had so much fun! And couples massages are a fun date!

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Fun days!

2010-06-14T10:09:00.000-07:00

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Another year gone!

2010-06-11T06:30:00.000-07:00

I have really been slacking!! We lost the internet for 10 days, but all the rest I take full resposibility for! I will try very hard to post at least once a week. We are now in summer and I have a ton of things plan!! Enjoy Zackary's year at Indus International!!

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Andrew's Horses part 2

2010-05-25T08:40:00.000-07:00

He so enjoys horseback riding.It is his favorite part of school.

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Fun toys!!

2010-05-04T19:59:00.000-07:00

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The book says it all!!

Boys will be boys!!

2010-05-04T19:39:00.000-07:00

Xander decided to get in on the action just a couple of days after Zack!! This time I glued it and put a butterfly on. Worked great. Guess boys will be boys!

Our new friend

2010-04-17T08:32:00.001-07:00

This is our little friend Mr. Gecko. He has lived with us for about a week. Tonight is the first time Zack and Nate had seen him. Zack was scared and asked if I let him in the house. I said no, and then nathan said no I did. I was joking with Nathan and said what he knocked and you let him in. He said no. Then he said "No mom I was comming in the house and I openned the door and he followed me in." It was so funny!!

Our Friend

2010-04-17T08:15:00.000-07:00

On a sad note today, Zackary fell on the playground during our PTC this morning and had to get his first set of stitches. The funny thing was the Dr. at the infirmary left it up to me whether I wanted to stitch it or to take him to the clinic for it!!! I chose the clinic because it was so close to his eye. Sad day.

Poor Nathan

2010-04-13T11:17:00.000-07:00

On our Novell getaway, Nathan was running and biffed it hard, dirt in the mouth and everything. He "was dying" all the way back to the hotel. I wasn't sure he was going to make it, but he did! I am so proud of him!! (dripping sarcasm)He only had a scraped knee and a scraped elbow.

This is two funny!!!

2010-04-13T11:03:00.000-07:00

Jason's special thing with the boys, when they are little, is to teach them their body parts and then when they are old enough he moves on to address and phone number. I guess Xander had an extra body part!! Love you JC. (Xander knows all his body parts, he didn't want to do what daddy said while filming, total snob star!)

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Weekend gettaway with Novell

2010-04-13T10:59:00.000-07:00

To see the videos you have to pause the page turning or you won't get to see the whole video. We had a very good time. They served Indian food, but the coordinator of the trip had them make a special dish for us at each meal. It was very good! The bus ride was long, we went up the side of a mountain with more than 20 hair pin curves in a tour bus!! We had a couple of close calls, like when other buses wanted to come the other direction! Hope you enjoy.

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Happy Easter! Our Indian Easter.

2010-04-04T06:58:00.000-07:00

I loved our Easter this year. It was small and perfect. We weaved our own baskets, dyed eggs, and had so much fun. This will be one of my favorite Easter for years to come.

Dyeing eggs-

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Making baskets-

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We enjoyed our Easter. I have to download pics from all over because camera batteries were all dead!! I will post the few we got soon!!

Happy Easter!!

2010-04-04T06:57:00.001-07:00

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Indian festival

2010-03-23T09:56:00.000-07:00

This is from an Indian festival they just had. This was a contest at the local mall. It was fun to watch!

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2010-03-23T09:21:00.000-07:00

Zackary was having a fun adventure in the back yard that ended with him sliding down 2 levels of cement ledges (cliff). He wanted grandma to see his bruises. Yes, I treated him with lavander and helaqrism.

GOOD MORNING!!!

2010-03-23T09:04:00.000-07:00

This is some cute pictures I have been trying to get for a while. Enjoy

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OWC lunch

2010-03-23T09:01:00.000-07:00

Overseas Women's Club is for women who are living in a foreign land. I enjoy getting out every thursday and being with other expat women. We usually go to lunch after. This particular lunch is called the lunch bunch and is held once a month. Every month we try a new restaraunt. This month happened to be traditional Indian. Most of the 9 bowls I liked there were 2 I hated!

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Paris

2010-03-14T21:39:00.001-07:00

I am finally able to go back and do somemore of the trip to India! This is pictures of our layover in Paris. I was so tired!!

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Joshua's big night out!!

2010-03-13T02:41:00.000-08:00

I rarely let the boys out of my sight these days, so when Joshua came home with a permission slip for a overnight leadership camp this momma was not to happy, I had just recovered from the 2 night leadership camp Andrew went on. After much comfort from daddy and Ms. Sunita, I let him go. I have to say I really am glad I did. He had such a ball, had to try new food, and learned some fun skills, like old fashioned pottery and milking a cow, and bull riding! (they rode on the bull while he pulled the cart!! All in all not a bad little trip. Joshua took all the pictures for this book. Enjoy.

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Andrew's Horses

2010-03-10T06:42:00.000-08:00

Andrew loves riding the horses. It is the one thing he LOVE'S about school. Enjoy.

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Xander's Hide

2010-03-04T00:04:00.000-08:00

This is a corner cabnet in our kitchen. Whenever I or Selvee is cooking, Xander will hang out in his "hide".

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As promised!

2010-03-01T03:43:00.000-08:00

Here is the album for Xander's 2nd birthday. He had a wonderful time. So did his brothers.

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Zoo Trip!!

2010-02-28T10:11:00.000-08:00

Sorry!! Here are some pictures!! Today Andrew and I went to church in a rickshaw!! I will post a picture of one tomorrow along with Xanders "hide" and 2nd birthday. Love you all.

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Zacks bad day!!

2010-02-11T07:54:00.000-08:00

Today my faith in our safe little community was shattered. Zack was hit by a car. HE IS OK. He only has a tiny booboo on his middle finger. But his bike is totaled. He is so sad that he doesn't have a bike now. That will be fixed soon. One of the drivers was driving too fast as Zackary was coming out of a drivew...ay. I will make sure our speed bumps are put in ASAP!! Please don't call after 9:30 am your time. We love you!! Pictures are attached.

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SHOPPING!!!!!

2010-02-10T21:05:00.000-08:00

I went shopping yesterday. I hope you enjoy my little fashion show!!

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Nate and Xander photo book

2010-02-09T18:46:00.000-08:00

Some people are having problems seeing all the bubble photo's. In the lower left hand corner you need to click on the auto play button to turn it on, or you can click on the bubbles to see them individually. I recommend autoplay because there is an order and then you can see the individual photos!! Have fun.

A little Fun today.

2010-02-09T10:04:00.001-08:00

So much time, what do I do now?

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We made it!!!!

2010-02-09T01:33:00.000-08:00

As you can see from the last post we finally have internet. You can call us on our Utah # now too. I will post to catch you up on what has happened and what is happening through future posts. For now here are some pictures of our home in India. A special thanks to Selvee who made these posts possible. She cleaned the floors, the bathrooms, and finished the laundry I started this morning.

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Little Angel Wesley.

2010-02-09T00:20:00.000-08:00

For all of our friends and family who have waited to patiently to meet Wesley James Blackett. I hope you enjoy as much as we do. Sorry I kept him to myself for so long.

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Still no Internet or Phone...

2010-01-31T21:29:00.001-08:00

Just a quick update to make sure everyone knows that we've gotten moved into our home okay. It's great to be in a home again instead of a hotel. Unfortunately we still don't have Internet access, so if you've been trying to reach us feel free to email Jason at jblackett@novell.com as he is now working and has Internet in the office. Hopefully we'll be back online by midweek and we'll start updating things regularly. If you need to leave us a message you can still call the Vonage home line and we'll pick up the messages while Jason is at the office.

Hello India!

2010-01-24T22:23:00.000-08:00

We survived the trip! The first leg of our trip started with tearful goodbyes with grandma and grandpa Moss. They were the lifesaver for this trip. They also had to drive us to the airport, we could not get all 30 bags in our suburban. After taking care of our checked baggage, we were off to security. Luckily it all went very well. The plane ride to Paris was ok. Xander had a very hard time and Jason and I took turns holding him while he slept. Nathan ran a fever and slept most of the time. We will not talk about the inappropriate movies. Paris was all it promised to be. The Eiffel Tower was amazing, but sooooooooo cold!!!! We also had cotton candy and Jason was accosted by a Bosnian panhandler!! We had McDonald's and yes it is the same the world round, they screwed the order!! I was so thankful to get to sleep after that. Unfortunately the two that slept on the plane were up at 1:30 am Paris time. I had enough sleep by then to stay up with them. The bath tubs were very narrow but deep, oooohhhhhh how I enjoyed that bath. Then it was off to the airport again. We got there and the airport was closed!! I could not believe it. Guess what the children had for breakfast. Yep, McDonald's. It was fabulous though, there pancakes were a cross between crapes and pancakes. Yummmmy, the boys had seconds. Going through security once the airport opened was a lot more hectic. We then spent about 2 1/2 hours waiting to board. It was quite the ordeal from there. We went through the gate, down the stairs, onto a bus that drove us miles around the airport. Then once we got there they kept us on the bus for almost 25 min. I did meet Stacey and her wonderful children. Stacey is an expat who also happens Pres. of the Expat wives club! Talk about divine intervention. We learned quite a lot about things to do, a I did get more excited to be going. Boarding the plane was fun. We had to go up another flight of stairs. Luckily we had a lot of great people who were more than willing to help. Thank you to all of our anonymous friends who helped us so much. This plane ride went a little better. Xander fell asleep just after take off. I needed to wake him about 6 hours into the trip so that he would be able to sleep when we got to India. It was a hard 4 hours. Everyone on the plane who was awake, enjoyed our little walks. Nathan ran another fever and slept most of the time. It didn't seem to phase him when we got here, he was the last one up!! The older boys did very well. Zackary made new friends as always and was very thrilled to have his own video monitor. Thank heaven! We arrived safely without any incidence. The porters could spot us a mile away once we got through customs. Who wouldn't with more children in one group than were in the entire airport!! They could not believe how many bags we had. Watching them pack the hotel car, which was equivalent to a Honda CRV, with 30 bags was quite the experience. It was comical yet a great lesson in space efficiency. The Hotel is gorgeous, the weather is perfect, and I feel better. We will post pictures tomorrow, I have to charge the camera. oooops.

Letter to Wesley

2010-01-02T19:27:00.000-08:00

My dearest Wesley,

I feel so lost. Why isn't everyone else mourning? You should still be here. My stomach should be round and heavy with your little body still growing inside me. No one notices. You were here, inside me. You greeted me every morning, you were the last thing I felt as I drifted of to sleep. I know it was your choice, but I am the one left without you. The sweet smell of you body. Laying with you in bed while we napped. Washing, folding, wrapping you. Meeting each one of your brothers. Letting them get to know your personality. Your dad, watching him cuddle you and question incessantly on whether or not he could hang you upside down or throw you in the air. These are all the things I miss. I gave your cradle back to grandma today. I woke up this morning feeling oddly normal. Then the guilt for feeling normal. Why did you choose us? I do feel privileged to have been chosen to be your mother, I know some how I will heal. How did you come to choose me? Kelly pointed out that I gave you a gift that no one else could of given you, your life, for the little time you chose it. I do agree, but I now question everything decision I made. Should I have done more? Should I have waited longer for the induction? My little Wesley, did I do right by you? Is there anything you blame me for? I did learn so many things from you. I will work harder not to be distracted by little things that do not matter. I will work harder not to let little things become big. I will be more patient. I will not put off trying to be a better mother. Because of you I want very badly to be a better mother. I still want the whole world to know you were here and still should be. I feel alone, even though I'm not. I have a hard time praying to father because I just end up crying. I don't know what I want or need at this point. While contemplating my mood this evening, I had a thought that I needed to make your dad my priority. Oh Wesley, he does so much more for me than I have ever done for him. Yet here I am writing to you and crying on the bathroom floor. You are so special to me. You are my child and I miss you. All we would have been together, what you would have brought to our family. I can't wait to hold you. How do I fix what is broken? Love mom.

Fitting poem

2009-12-30T08:50:00.000-08:00

Thank you to Leslie Williams who sent this to me. It is so fitting though. God knows the big picture, sometimes I would just like a little peek!! How do we, who are left behind, deal with the loss? My mind knows all the reasons that I should be happy for our little Wesley, but their is my heart that still weeps.

Song of the River by William Randolph Hearst

The snow melts on the mountain
And the water runs down to the spring,
And the spring in a turbulent fountain,
With a song of youth to sing,
Runs down to the riotous river,
And the river flows to the sea,
And the water again
Goes back in rain
To the hills where it used to be.

And I wonder if life’s deep mystery
Isn’t much like the rain and the snow,
Returning through all eternity
To the places it used to know.
For life was born on the lofty heights
And flows in a laughing stream,
To the river below
Whose onward flow
Ends in a peaceful dream.

And so at last,
When our life has passed
And the river has run its course,
It again goes back,
O’er the self-same track,
To the mountain which was its source.
So why prize life
Or why fear death,
Or dread what is to be?
The river ran
Its allotted span
‘Til it reached the silent sea.
Then the water harked back
To the mountaintop
To begin its course once more.

So we shall run
The course begun
Till we reach the silent shore.
Then revisit earth
In a a pure rebirth
From the heart of the virgin snow.

So don’t ask why
We live or die,
Or whether, or when we go,
Or wonder about the mysteries
That only God may know.

Where are my rose colored glasses?

2009-12-29T08:44:00.000-08:00

Yesterday we said our final goodbyes to Wesley. The graveside service was perfect. Our bishop welcomed everyone, we played "for good" from the Wicked musical. Jason's dad dedicated the grave. Then our sweet little boys took their balloons and released them with the sweetest little thoughts for Wesley. It was so hard to leave him there. The angels were definitely with us in the preparation for this day. My mother was able to help me make everything amazingly perfect from the burial clothing to the casket or "treasure box" as my little boys called it. Wesley is truly our buried treasure. I was contemplating this morning about his song and how I want so badly to be pregnant again to "do it right", when father told me that there was no "right way" for Wesley's birth. It was what it was. We are given experiences, most we can not control, the defining of that moment comes from how we handle it and what we do with it afterwards. I have all along asked for clear indications on what to do. I was prepared to wait several more months if that is what he needed. I definitely prepared to wait weeks for my health to get worse. So then to go in for a regular apt. and have to Dr. say it is enough, it's time. Was very clear. For the birth, there was no other way it could have gone. I experienced things I hope I never have to again. But I learned so much and endured. I always knew there would be regrets, questions on if I did that or this right, but having another baby will not give me what I wanted for Wesley. It might allow for a felling of completeness but it will not make Wesley's birth any less painful.

clear answer.

2009-12-25T19:28:00.000-08:00

Dec. 7, 2009
We wanted to try to have the baby this week, thinking that he might be well enough to have him live long enough to meet him. Several committies as several hospitals said no, I prayed all along for clear answers. Obviously I need to wait for the time to be right for our baby to come. Can't get any clearer than that. At least I know I have a little time left with him.

Dec. 13, 2009
On our way to Las Vegas. It feels so good to be married to a man who is so concerned for me that he does not want to leave me for a minute! So the children and I are getting a free trip to Las Vegas!

Dec. 19, 2009
Vegas was a total bummer, there was nothing to do with my children!! Ugh. Some concerning things are happening with my health. Will have to wait and see. I enjoyed feeling our little one move this week. Had several hard days. I want it to be over, but I don't want him to go. How can you wish for your child to die. This is sooooo hard. But living in limbo, never knowing, is so hard.

Dec. 21, 2009
We have an apt. with the perinatologist today. Just expecting more of the same.

Dec. 22, 2009
Today at 7:18 am our little Wesley James Blackett was born and returned to our father in heaven a few minutes later. My heart aches with not knowing if this was the right decision or not. He was to beautiful and perfect, right down to his tiny finger nails. His stomach was so distended due to the fluid build up. My husband, mother, and dearest friend were there to help me through the long and painful labor, and to welcome him into the world with love. Due to issues with my health that began to appear, our team of Dr.'s decided it was time to have Wesley be born. My wonderful midwife Vicki, caught our Wesley who decided to make his entrance into this world as a footling breech. We have felt all your prayers and thank you. Thank you to everyone who in one way or another helped us through this difficult time. To my sweet Wesley, you are so loved and so missed. love mom

Dark day.

2009-12-02T15:48:00.000-08:00

Some Dr.s are so optimistic. It contagious, it makes you feel better. Yesterday our ultrasound showed that fluid had built up in his lung and abdomen. Our Dr. said let's drain it and see, miracles happen. Today we went in for the procedure, this Dr. said he did not think it would help our baby. What he says is factual and true, but gives you no optimism or hope. What he sees is the ventricles of the brain are larger and blood is present, as well as our angel was not in a good position for the procedure. It will actually be easier if he gets sicker. So the last procedure did free things up but it also allowed for more damage to be done. If a miracle is to happen, will it come without our interference? How do you deal with waiting every day to see if your baby has died inside you?

Sad day.

2009-12-01T08:10:00.000-08:00

We was faced with yet another decision yesterday when preterm contractions started. When do you draw the line? When are you helping and interfering with life? We needed to decide how far to go with stopping preterm labor if it starts effecting change? I always thought as long as his heart was beating I would stop labor to give him more time. A very wise woman reminded me, it is not my choice. This is my baby's choice. I have seen babies stop labor at 8 cm if something was wrong. My baby may need to go through birth and have the experience, and he will choose. So if herbs do not stop the contractions we will leave it up to him. I was very emotional over this decision, but it feels good.

Yuck!!

2009-11-28T12:35:00.000-08:00

I had the flu yesterday!! Any pregnant momma should be immune. I felt baby move a lot over the last few days. India has been postponed until after his birth. The unknowing is the hardest part.

Our beautiful family!!

2009-11-28T10:51:00.000-08:00

I am expecting our 6th baby. His due date is in April. We are also preparing to move to India for an 18 month stint. On Friday, Nov. 20, 2009, I went in for a routine ultrasound. Having carried and birth 5 beautiful boys, I was taking this pregnancy for granted. I was getting the ultrasound really because it was needed it to prove US citizenship for the baby. Never did I think there would be anything different for this one. The ultrasound showed that our baby was in big trouble. The was excess fluid in his abdomen, and head. His heart was pushed all the way over to the right side of his chest and was miss shaped, but beating and had four chambers. They could not find his kidneys or bladder. I thought ok, we will see what my midwife says. Her assistant called and said it didn't look good, we might think about terminating the pregnancy and we needed to get over to Maternal fetal medicine and they would fit us in. My mom had accompanied me to the ultrasound, so as I had to call around my neighborhood to send someone to my house to see if my husband was there. His phone went straight to voice mail. He finally called. We met up and he went over to MFM with me. After several more ultrasounds, we were told that our beautiful baby boy was in congestive heart failure due to C-CAM. C-CAM is basically a portion of lung tissue that does not behave properly and becomes a cyst or group of cysts. Our little one had a group of cyst in his left lung that had pushed his heart and right lung against the far wall of the right side of his chest. Because of the congestive heart failure, fluid had leaked into his abdomen and backed up in his brain. Ultrasound shows large amounts of brain damaged that are categorized in the cerebral palsy group. They did and do not give our baby much of a chance to live much past birth it he makes it that far. They did offer some hope of correcting the congestive heart failure and dealing with the cysts, but they wanted us to wait the weekend to make the decision. They wanted us to decide whether to let nature take it's course and let him die in the next three weeks or do the procedure and buy a little time for him. I thought long and hard. Could I handle a severely handicapped child? What if I carried him to term and he died at birth? Despite my fears and doubts, I could not let him continue to suffer and die. I under stand that he still may not live but I could ease his suffering.

Saturday, Nov. 21, 2009
We decided to do the procedure on Monday. Being a Latter day saint I fully believe in the laying on of hands to heal the sick and the power of personal revelation. So on Sat. my husband and father gave me a blessing. In in I did not get confirmation we were doing right or wrong, no advise, just comfort and we were told that it is our babies decision how things go from here. That rang so true in my heart. The fundamental principle of fathers plan in free agency. If you had the choice to come down for a short time and be done with your mission, would you choose that? Or would you choose to stay and face the heartache and trials that life can bring.

Sunday, Nov. 22, 2009
The longest day of my life!! I hate waiting. Everything was out of my control for the day.

Monday, Nov. 23, 2009
We went in first thing in the morning for a thoracentisis. It is a lot like an amniocentisis. The stuck a needle into my abdomen, through the uterus, through our babies abdomen, through the diaphragm, and into his lung. They removed 35 cc of fluid from his lung, as they backed the needle out they also took the fluid from his abdomen so he would not struggle to get it out himself. They removed 100 cc of fluid from his abdomen. Right away we could see his heart move into the center of his chest and return to the right shape. It is thicker than normal but not to thick. I felt ok until I got up, then the muscles around the injection site cramped. After a little bed rest it went away. I felt good that I had done something. I had a little bit of hope that things would correct themselves.

Tuesday, Nov. 24, 2009
We returned to MFM for an ultrasound to see if the fluid would return right away. It had not. I was feeling a little too hopeful that things would just be better now. They were able to see his kidneys and bladder and he actually had amniotic fluid to move in.

Wednesday, Nov. 25, 2009
Talked with my midwife about all that had happened and she told me how she understood it. We were pretty much on the same page except she said that MFM stated there was very little hope, no matter what we did for him to survive birth if he made it that far. I grieved all over again. To have no hope, it is agonizing. My sweet husband has been so wonderful through all of it. He amazes me, often. I don't know what the future holds, besides dr. apt every week, but I will give him all the time he chooses to take. The lord will help me through.