Still no Internet or Phone...

Just a quick update to make sure everyone knows that we've gotten moved into our home okay. It's great to be in a home again instead of a hotel. Unfortunately we still don't have Internet access, so if you've been trying to reach us feel free to email Jason at jblackett@novell.com as he is now working and has Internet in the office. Hopefully we'll be back online by midweek and we'll start updating things regularly. If you need to leave us a message you can still call the Vonage home line and we'll pick up the messages while Jason is at the office.

Hello India!

We survived the trip! The first leg of our trip started with tearful goodbyes with grandma and grandpa Moss. They were the lifesaver for this trip. They also had to drive us to the airport, we could not get all 30 bags in our suburban. After taking care of our checked baggage, we were off to security. Luckily it all went very well. The plane ride to Paris was ok. Xander had a very hard time and Jason and I took turns holding him while he slept. Nathan ran a fever and slept most of the time. We will not talk about the inappropriate movies. Paris was all it promised to be. The Eiffel Tower was amazing, but sooooooooo cold!!!! We also had cotton candy and Jason was accosted by a Bosnian panhandler!! We had McDonald's and yes it is the same the world round, they screwed the order!! I was so thankful to get to sleep after that. Unfortunately the two that slept on the plane were up at 1:30 am Paris time. I had enough sleep by then to stay up with them. The bath tubs were very narrow but deep, oooohhhhhh how I enjoyed that bath. Then it was off to the airport again. We got there and the airport was closed!! I could not believe it. Guess what the children had for breakfast. Yep, McDonald's. It was fabulous though, there pancakes were a cross between crapes and pancakes. Yummmmy, the boys had seconds. Going through security once the airport opened was a lot more hectic. We then spent about 2 1/2 hours waiting to board. It was quite the ordeal from there. We went through the gate, down the stairs, onto a bus that drove us miles around the airport. Then once we got there they kept us on the bus for almost 25 min. I did meet Stacey and her wonderful children. Stacey is an expat who also happens Pres. of the Expat wives club! Talk about divine intervention. We learned quite a lot about things to do, a I did get more excited to be going. Boarding the plane was fun. We had to go up another flight of stairs. Luckily we had a lot of great people who were more than willing to help. Thank you to all of our anonymous friends who helped us so much. This plane ride went a little better. Xander fell asleep just after take off. I needed to wake him about 6 hours into the trip so that he would be able to sleep when we got to India. It was a hard 4 hours. Everyone on the plane who was awake, enjoyed our little walks. Nathan ran another fever and slept most of the time. It didn't seem to phase him when we got here, he was the last one up!! The older boys did very well. Zackary made new friends as always and was very thrilled to have his own video monitor. Thank heaven! We arrived safely without any incidence. The porters could spot us a mile away once we got through customs. Who wouldn't with more children in one group than were in the entire airport!! They could not believe how many bags we had. Watching them pack the hotel car, which was equivalent to a Honda CRV, with 30 bags was quite the experience. It was comical yet a great lesson in space efficiency. The Hotel is gorgeous, the weather is perfect, and I feel better. We will post pictures tomorrow, I have to charge the camera. oooops.

Letter to Wesley

My dearest Wesley,

I feel so lost. Why isn't everyone else mourning? You should still be here. My stomach should be round and heavy with your little body still growing inside me. No one notices. You were here, inside me. You greeted me every morning, you were the last thing I felt as I drifted of to sleep. I know it was your choice, but I am the one left without you. The sweet smell of you body. Laying with you in bed while we napped. Washing, folding, wrapping you. Meeting each one of your brothers. Letting them get to know your personality. Your dad, watching him cuddle you and question incessantly on whether or not he could hang you upside down or throw you in the air. These are all the things I miss. I gave your cradle back to grandma today. I woke up this morning feeling oddly normal. Then the guilt for feeling normal. Why did you choose us? I do feel privileged to have been chosen to be your mother, I know some how I will heal. How did you come to choose me? Kelly pointed out that I gave you a gift that no one else could of given you, your life, for the little time you chose it. I do agree, but I now question everything decision I made. Should I have done more? Should I have waited longer for the induction? My little Wesley, did I do right by you? Is there anything you blame me for? I did learn so many things from you. I will work harder not to be distracted by little things that do not matter. I will work harder not to let little things become big. I will be more patient. I will not put off trying to be a better mother. Because of you I want very badly to be a better mother. I still want the whole world to know you were here and still should be. I feel alone, even though I'm not. I have a hard time praying to father because I just end up crying. I don't know what I want or need at this point. While contemplating my mood this evening, I had a thought that I needed to make your dad my priority. Oh Wesley, he does so much more for me than I have ever done for him. Yet here I am writing to you and crying on the bathroom floor. You are so special to me. You are my child and I miss you. All we would have been together, what you would have brought to our family. I can't wait to hold you. How do I fix what is broken? Love mom.